Hate Mail

Dear you know who y’all are,

I’m sorry whatever relationship we have has come to this. I understand that times are tough, and that I’m not the only one stuck and limited. I also want to say from the very beginning, that I blame no one completely for my troubles. We all have a part to play in things we go through in this life. Good or bad. But I want you to know that the situation our choices have put us in are most frustrating. I’m saying that it is most frustrating (and depressing) to think that after years of working and busting my ass, I am here today almost penniless. We both know we don’t deserve this. I’m saying that maybe neither of us should’ve bitten off more than we could chew. From the very beginning all I wanted was transparency. Something which was rare. If one of us just saw that this was going to happen from the very beginning, it would’ve helped if we all just went out with it, and saved us all this trouble. Like I said, I understand that times are tough. Honestly, I’ve been “understanding” the situation for months now. I just hope that this time, for whatever pain my current frustration might cause on you, you understand me. Because I’ve been fighting from the very beginning. For a life I’m supposed to have. For the time I’m supposed to spend on commitments I’ve made. And for the things I know I deserve.

Also, I hate it when people play on guilt. It’s not fair. I’m sorry you had to make a few sacrifices so I can go on some commitment I’ve informed weeks in advance. I’m sorry, but if our “responsibilities” were updated as early as possible, we would’ve saved ourselves from all this trouble and guilt trip. I’m sorry I hadto make major career sacrifices for you, and this vision I used to share with you. I’m sorry that I can’t take them back, and I’m sorry that it burns to think of how awesome my life could be now if I chose them instead. And I’m sorry I’m rubbing this in on you. We’ve all made sacrifices for a lot of things. I offer and give without complain when I know it’s necessary. I never rubbed that in either.

Maybe you all get to read this, or maybe you won’t. Right now I need to get this out of my chest because from where I’m standing, what’s happening is completely unfair to me. And I’m tired of trying to understand. Thank you for everything you’ve given, but I don’t think that gives anyone the right to make me feel like I’m conveniently put in the corner. At the very least, while I wait, don’t you think I deserve a little “pasensya na” text? Because it’s been over a month, and I’m still waiting, and it seems a LOT like neither of you cares. And one more thing, I do NOT have an attitude problem. The problem is, despite my niceties, I don NOT take things like these lightly. If you hurt me, I’ll let you know. I do not bitch around for sport. I do not disrespect without cause. 

I hope that this “cryptic” letter gets my point across.

Love,

H